I'm Rhyming, Aren't I?
by Mlle. Madeline
Summary: I do that when I don't want to kiss somebody." "Really, Sonny? Really?" Series of one-shots based off Sonny's list of places she would never kiss Chad. Response to ohhMOONshoesPOTTER’s ‘Green Eggs and Ham’ Challenge. Rated T just to be safe.
1. Not in That Scene

_Not in that scene_.

**A/N: Hi! This is my contribution to ****ohhMOONshoesPOTTER's "Green Eggs and Ham" Challenge. As she said, "In the episode **_**Battle of the Networks' Stars**_**, Sonny lists ****all**** the places she ****wouldn't**** kiss **_**Chad**_**. It is ****our**** job, as ****authors****, to make ****sure**** they kiss in ****all**** those places." Please enjoy! :D****  
Disclaimer: Really, guys? Really?**

"Alright," Selena said as she and Sonny walked onto the fake Mack Falls set. "We're about to do the scene when you barge onto the set of 'Mackenzie Falls.' Now, when this really happened, do you remember how you felt?" The makeup artist touched up her face and she thanked her before turning back to Sonny.

"Ooh, probably mad 'cause I'm always mad when I have to go see _Chad_." Sonny rolled her eyes just thinking about it.

Selena nodded. "Right, but really you're mad at _yourself_ because of how much you _like_ him." She grinned.

Sonny agreed absently with a little smile. "Right…_what?_" Selena shot her a look. "Uh, I don't like Chad! I mean…" she lowered her voice register, realizing her voice was high pitched, like whenever she was in denial, "I don't like Chad."

Selena smiled and held out the script. "Sure you do! It's right here in the script."

"Wha-? Give me that." Sonny grabbed the script and scanned it, making a noise of disdain. "All it says is 'Fine!' 'Fine!' 'Good!' 'Good!' 'Fine!' 'Fine!'"

Selena smiled knowingly, crossing her arms. "It's not what the lines _say_, it's what's _between_ the lines."

Sonny made a face. "Pff. Pff. There is _nothing_ between those lines, trust me." Selena took out her voice recorder, and Sonny grabbed it. "Hear this. I am not in denial, okay? Which, I know, makes it sound like I am in denial, but I'm not. So, uh...we're good!" Awkwardly she handed the recorder back to Selena. "Here you go."

Just then, the three-named jerkthrob entered the Mackenzie Falls set and started yelling into his megaphone. " Okay, people. Here we go. 'Chad Dylan Cooper: The Chad Dylan Cooper Story.' Sonny barges onto Mack Falls set. Take one!" Looking at Selena, he took the megaphone away from his mouth. "Miss Gomez, on your mark, if you please. Thank you!" Seeing Sonny, he put the megaphone back up to his mouth and added, "No extras on set."

Sonny stared at him in disbelief, and when he didn't move, she curled her lip. "Ugh!" She turned on her heel and marched off the set.

Okay, people," Chad said into his megaphone as he prepared for the scene. "I want to see real energy and real emotion...And Action!" He handed his megaphone, beret, and scarf to his assistant and got into character as Mackenzie Falls. "Look, Portlyn, Summer's almost over and once fall comes back to the Falls, I need to be free. Shh! Time for talking's over."

Selena as Sonny marched up behind him. "What's the matter with you?"

Still talking to Portlyn, Chad shot back, "What's the matter with me? What the matter with—" He realized that wasn't Portlyn. "Wait, those words didn't come out of your mouth." He turned around, and there was 'Sonny.'

Selena as Sonny curled her lip at Portlyn. "You've got great legs, Portlyn," she sneered. "Let's see how they move." She stage-punched Portlyn in the face, and Portlyn fell back into a chair.

Sonny's mouth dropped in shock. "Uh!...Hey, I never punched her!"

The director shushed her and Sonny shot him a glare, but shushed.

"What do you think you're doing?" Chad asked 'Sonny,' highly affronted. "You can't just barge in here and interrupt Chad Dylan Cooper when he's in the middle of making 'Mackenzie Falls' magic!"

"I think I've made my point!" Selena as Sonny shot back.

"Good!"

"Good!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

" Good."

That's when Selena jumped Chad, throwing her arms and legs around him as they toppled over backwards, Chad's eyes widening and letting out a weak "Whoa!"

Sonny's mouth dropped open in horror and she yanked the megaphone out of the director's hands and leaped up, yelling, "Cut! Cut!" Her voice cracked. "Cut it out!"

She ran onto the set, yanking Selena and her lips off of Chad. "What are you _doing_?" she yelled.

Selena brushed herself off and helped Chad to his feet. "Reading between the lines, Sonny," she said in exasperation. "The tension between the two of you is so obvious."

Sonny could only stutter. She turned to Chad, who was…blushing. Chad Dylan Cooper was blushing? "Tension? There is no tension! No tension!"

Chad, too, was making noises of dissent.

Selena groaned. "Okay, fine. _You _do the scene, then. Show me."

"Fine!" Sonny retorted.

"No." Selena snorted. "I'm not starting that with you."

Sonny's lips twitched. "Good! I mean…okay."

Selena rolled her eyes. "And action."

"What do you think you're doing?" Chad asked Sonny, starting the scene again. "You can't just barge in here and interrupt Chad Dylan Cooper when he's in the middle of making 'Mackenzie Falls' magic!"

"I think I've made my point!" Sonny yelled back.

"Good!"

"Good!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

" Good."

Somewhere in the middle of this, Sonny realized she and Chad had walked closer to each other and were now only a few inches apart. "Uh…good."

Chad suddenly seemed to notice their nearness too. "Fine."

"Very fine."

Sonny didn't know what came over her, but she was suddenly feeling very drawn to Chad and his stupid gorgeous hair and stupid sparkly blue eyes.

Chad wasn't sure how it started, but he was suddenly falling headfirst into Sonny's chocolate-colored eyes and before he really realized what he was doing he was kissing her.

Against her better judgment Sonny's eyes fluttered shut and she kissed him back.

Suddenly they both realized what they were doing and jumped apart, putting their backs to each other. "Um." Sonny attempted to improv the rest of the scene, blushing furiously. "So. We're, uh, good?"

Chad swallowed. "We're so good."

Selena stifled her laughter.


	2. Not in a Dream

_Not in a dream_.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sonny with a Chance. I don't own Romeo and Juliet. Frankly, I don't own much besides this laptop.**

I stormed into my apartment after a late-night rehearsal and got dressed for bed.

Stupid Chad and his stupid stupidness. Stupid. I hate him. A lot.

He's so _infuriating_. Every obnoxious comment he makes, every annoying face he makes, _ugh._

I climbed into bed and turned off the lights, and immediately fell asleep.

_Chad, wearing jeans and Converse with a loose linen shirt and a dark red jerkin and a loose, flat feather-adorned cap, walks down the hallway when suddenly Sonny walks out of her dressing room, wearing Converse with something that looks like an evening gown from five hundred years ago._

_She doesn't see him, but Chad runs up to her and grabs her hand. She turns around, surprised, but her shock melts when she sees it's him. "Did my heart love till now?" he whispers, touching her cheek. "Forswear it, sight, for I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."_

_Sonny blushes and smiles against his hand._

_Nico and Grady, in jesters' costumes, suddenly appear around the corner, where they can see Sonny from the front and Chad from the back. "This, by his voice, should be a Mackfallsahue," Nico hisses._

_Grady nods. "What, dares the slave come hither covered with an antic face to scorn at our solemnity?"_

_Nico shakes his head in disgust. "Now, by the stock and honor of my kin, to strike him dead I hold it not a sin."_

"_Young Chadeo, is it?" Grady asks to make sure._

"'_Tis he, that villain Chadeo," Nico affirms._

_Then, like people do in dreams, they disappear and Sonny and Chad are alone again._

"_Three words, dear Chadeo, and good night indeed." Sonny takes Chad's hand away from her face and traces its lines with her finger as she speaks. "If that thy bent of love be honorable, thy purpose marriage, send me word tomorrow, and all thy fortunes at thy foot I'll lay and follow thee my lord throughout the world."_

"_Sonniet!" Tawni yells from inside the dressing room, and Sonny jumps._

"_Anon!" she calls back, then turns back to Chad, who smiles at her gently, pulling her to his chest and wrapping his arms around her._

"_How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?" Sonny asks suddenly, pulling away. "The place is death, considering who thou art, if any of my kinsmen find thee here." She takes his hand and pulls him into a nearby closet._

_Chad shakes his head, starting to open the door. "Stony limits cannot hold love out, and what love can do, that dares love attempt. Therefore thy kinsmen are no stop to me."_

_Sonny shuts the door again and touches his face. "If they do see thee, they will murder thee. I would not for the world they saw thee here."_

_She remembers the time and that she must go. "Sweet, good night. This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath, may prove a beauteous flower when next we meet. Good night, good night." She opens the door of the closet and heads out, toward her dressing room._

_Chad follows her and grabs her hand, spinning her around to face him again. "Oh, Sonniet, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?" he asks lowly._

_Sonny blushes. "What satisfaction canst thou have tonight?"_

_Chad smiles, brushing a lock of hair out of her face. "Th' exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine."_

"_Sonniet!" Tawni yells again._

"_Anon, anon, I come anon!" Sonny yells back in annoyance. She turns back to Chad and rests her hands flat against his chest. "O," she asks in distress, "think'st thou we shall ever meet again?"_

_One tear quietly rolls down Chad's face. "I doubt it not; and all these woes shall serve for sweet discourses in our times to come."_

_Slowly, Sonny nods. "I must hear from thee every day in the hour, for in a minute there are many days."_

_Chad smiles sadly and takes her face in his hands. "One kiss, and I'll go."_

_Sonny smiles. "Fine."_

"_Fine."_

"_Good."_

"_Good."_

_Their lips crash together and Sonny leans back against her door as Chad wraps his arms around her and she tangles her fingers in his hair—_

I woke with a start and sat up. Oh my God. Stupid English class. Stupid Chad. Stupid subconscious. Taking a deep breath, I lie back down, get comfortable, and fall asleep again.

_Chad climbs up the balcony to where Sonny sits and, disregarding the deep feud between their families, the Mackfallahues and the Randomets, he takes her in her arms and kisses her senseless (except this time they're wearing normal clothes)…_


	3. Not in a Car

_Not in a car_.

**Disclaimer: Yes. I own Sonny with a Chance. I also own the moon.**

"Oh my God, Chad, really? Really?"

I shot her a look. "Hush. Miss Mack can't think when you're yelling at us."

Sonny rolled her eyes at me. "I still can't believe you named your GPS after your _show_. And it got us lost."

I pursed my lips and kept my eyes on the stupid dark windy twisty old road in front of us. "Are you sure you put the address in right?"

She stuck her tongue out at me.

I blinked. "Mature, Munroe. Very mature."

She shook her head and poked at the GPS in my car, trying to figure out where we were. See, about five miles ago Miss Mack told us to turn onto Green Valley Road. Except there's no such thing as Green Valley Road. Or anything similar. So we were driving my beautiful car down some ridiculous podunk road, and it was dark, and it was foggy, and we were already an hour late before we started (you _cannot _rush the hair. Chad Dylan Cooper _must _have perfect hair, no matter the cost.), so the evening was just going fantastically. At least it wasn't raining. And at least my hair looked good.

Sonny sighed and leaned back against the black leather seat, rubbing her temples. "I can't figure it out, Chad. I have no idea where we are."

"Well, Chad Dylan Cooper does not get lost, so we are going to keep going. We're bound to find something sooner or later."

"How about sooner rather than later?" she asked snarkily.

I closed my eyes. But only for a second. I was driving, after all. "Really? Are you sure? Because I'm really enjoying this quality time we're spending together."

She snorted and shot me a grin. "Sorry. I know it's not like you're trying to get us lost." She leaned over and turned on the radio, and we were quiet again.

Fifteen minutes later, there was still no civilization in sight, and we were officially hopelessly lost.

"Chad," Sonny said quietly, touching my arm.

Touching my arm?

I looked at her. "What?"

"Chad, seriously, we're in the middle of nowhere. Not even, uh, Miss Mack knows where we are. We're lost. We're really, really lost."

I sighed. "I know. Stupid Miss Mack."

She smiled. "Look, just pull over. We'll call somebody and get directions."

"Directions, Sunny? Really? Do you honestly think anybody's going to have any idea where we are? 'We're lost.' 'Okay, what do you see?' 'Well, I see Sonny. She's next to me. There's a road in front of us. There's trees on either side of us. The sky is above us. At least I think so. The fog's pretty thick.'" I raised my eyebrows at her.

Sonny frowned. "Well, okay, but…" She trailed off, knowing I was right (duh).

"Also there's no place to pull over. These roads are so skinny. I don't know where to stop." Not that I was worried. Because I wasn't.

"Good point…" she muttered. "Um. Okay. Well. I guess we just keep going until we can find a place to pull over?"

"What's the point of pulling over, anyway?"

Sonny checked her phone (which didn't have any service here, anyway. Shocker.) and sighed. "At this point, to sleep, I guess. You've been driving for three hours and it's nearly one."

I stared at her. But only for a moment. I was driving, after all. "Are you joking? We're two teenagers alone in a hot car in the middle of nowhere. There might be creepers around."

Her lip twitched. "Okay, I guess. But what else are we going to do, drive all night? We've completely missed the party." She yawned.

I shrugged. I didn't want her falling asleep on me. Then I yawned. Heck, I didn't want _me _falling asleep on me. That's when I saw it: up ahead, off the side of the road, a little field. "Okay, look, there's a little field up there. I'll pull over, we'll put up the roof of the car, and we'll revive ourselves."

Sonny squinted into the darkness. "Oh! I see it! Okay. Good."

I pulled into the field the second I could and parked. I pressed the appropriate button and the night sky was covered by the comforting roof of my convertible.

I muttered under my breath about stupid country roads. It was so _frustrating_. Chad Dylan Cooper does _not _get lost. Especially not hopelessly, ridiculously, middle of nowhere lost. Stupid Miss Mack and her stupid Green Valley Road.

Suddenly I felt Sonny's hand on my arm again. What was with that tonight? Not that I minded. Um…not that I noticed. Because I didn't.

I looked at her, and she was smiling gently at me. "Chad. It's cool. So we got lost. No big deal. We'll get ourselves found. At least it's a nice night out, right? And at least we're not alone."

I nodded. "That's true. It's just you, me, and possible axe murderers."

She rolled her eyes and laughed. "Aw, c'mon. You're _Chad Dylan Cooper_. You aren't afraid of axe murderers. And there aren't any axe murderers around."

I stuck out my tongue at her.

"Mature, Cooper. Really mature."

We laughed, forgetting for a second that we were completely freaking lost.

"Well," Sonny said after a moment, "I'll set my phone alarm to go off in fifteen minutes."

She set the alarm and set her phone on the dashboard. We leaned our seats back and were silent, not exactly trying to sleep, but trying to rest.

"Chad?" Sonny asked after a minute or so, turning towards me.

I looked at her. "Hm?"

She blushed and looked down at her hands. "Well. If I was going to go on a wild goose chase for a party and get hopelessly lost in the middle of the night, I'm…I'm glad it was with you."

I sat up. "Really, Sonny? Really? I mean, obviously I'm gorgeous and talented and have great hair—"

She looked me in the eye. "Really. Because I know if any creepers or axe murderers tried to kill us, your ego would crush them to death." She said it with dead seriousness, but a smirk poked at the side of her mouth.

I made a face at her, then grabbed her arm and pulled her close, so we were only a few inches apart. I heard her breathing hitch in her throat as her eyes widened. "Maybe," I said huskily, leaning even closer, "but your lame jokes would _definitely _kill them."

She hadn't seen that coming, and burst out laughing. Man, I loved making her laugh. And, come on, we were alone in my amazing car, in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night.

So I kissed her.

_Moooooo._

What the heck? Sonny and I jumped apart in surprise.

_Moooooo._

Oh, geez. The alarm.

Sonny smoothed down her hair and giggled, her face bright red. "Well, I'm feeling, uh, refreshed. You?"

I cleared my throat, fixed my hair, and turned the car back on. As we pulled back onto the road, headed wherever it was we were going, I leaned over and gave her one more quick kiss and replied with a grin, "Ready for anything."


	4. Not Near

_Not near_.

**Disclaimer: Why yes, I do own Sonny with a Chance. I also happen to be the Pope.**

Chad and Sonny walked into Condor Studios together. But only because he had happened to park next to her. And it was convenient. That's it. Really.

Okay. _Maybe_ not. Not that either of them would ever admit it to each other.

Chad often walked Sonny all the way to her dressing room, but only because he was headed that way anyway. Because, um, because…oh, shut up.

"Chad," Sonny finally broke the surprisingly comfortable silence, "you really don't have to walk me the whole way."

Chad shrugged and flashed her one of those signature CDC smirks. "But I know _you_ like it and it bothers the other Randoms, so why not?"

Sonny rolled her eyes. Him and his ego. "Chad, I swear, the only thing you like better than your own reflection is the sound of your own voice."

He laughed. "Well, I am pretty darn charming. I sure would date me."

Sonny scoffed.

He shot her a look out of the corner of his eyes. "How about you?"

That caught her off guard. "What?"

He pulled a pair of tickets out of the inside of his blazer. "You, me, Lakers tickets. Friday. Maybe you'll be a little more _responsible _if I'm there with you instead of that whoever it was?"

Sonny glared at him. "It wasn't my fault! You can't say no to the Kiss Cam."

Chad shook his head. "Really, Sonny? Really?"

They were at her door now, and she leaned against the frame as he wiggled the tickets at her. She _did _love basketball…

He leaned closer to her. "And no Tawni."

Sonny grabbed the tickets. She _did _like that idea. It had nothing to do with the fact that she enjoyed spending time with him. At all. "Wow, Chad Dylan Cooper attempts to date the enemy," she raised her eyebrows at him.

"Attempts and succeeds," he corrected, taking the tickets back and pocketing them again. He leaned dangerously close. "Don't you think?"

Sonny narrowed her eyes at him. "We're very near other people, you know," she jerked her head towards her door. "Can't have them see Chad Dylan Cooper asking out the enemy, can we?"

Chad grinned and shrugged. "Which is exactly why I have to do it. Speaking of nearness…"

He put his hand on the back of her neck and pulled her into a kiss.

When they pulled apart, Sonny was blushing. "Think you can handle the day now?" she joked.

Chad drew her to him again. "Nearly."

He kissed her again, and they didn't care who saw.


	5. Not Far

_Not far_.

**Disclaimer: Shock though it may be, I **_**still **_**don't own Sonny with a Chance.**

He was in Italy on vacation, and she was home in Wisconsin for vacation. They were thousands of miles apart.

And they missed each other like crazy. Sure, there was texting and there were phone calls and there was video messaging, but it just wasn't the same.

Especially since it was a three month vacation.

It was August, and she was sitting on her grandma's couch, at home alone for the day, aimlessly flipping channels. He hadn't talked to her in three days, and even though she was dying to know why, she was too stubborn to make the first move.

The doorbell rang, and she ignored it.

It rang again. She rolled her eyes and stood, tightening her ponytail as she went to open the front door.

She didn't believe her eyes when she saw who standing in front of her.

It was him.

He was supposed to be in Italy.

But he was here in Wisconsin, standing on her doorstep, expensive clothes rumpled, grinning like a maniac.

She shrieked and threw herself on him.

She felt him smile as she kissed the heck out of him.

Even though her hair was dirty and she was wearing gym shorts and a t-shirt, he loved her.

Even though they were from feuding shows and even though he couldn't charm her the way he could other girls, he loved her.

Even though he was supposed to be on a sumptuous Italian vacation, he flew all the way to Wisconsin, just to see her. Because he loved her.

He knew her and he loved her.

No matter how far apart they were, or how far away they roamed, they would, in the end, be together.


	6. Not on a Train

_Not on a train._

**Disclaimer: Nope. Not mine. Don't I wish…**

"Whoa, Sonny, you okay?"

Oh. How perfect. The one person I really, really don't need to see right now.

I push my hair in front of my face and turn away, hoping the jerkthrob will figure he made a mistake.

Believe it or not, he was too smart for that. "Yo, Sonny," he said again, coming over and sitting next to me on the bench. "You okay?"

I jam my fists into my eye sockets and nod once. I don't need him, of all people, to see me cry.

He makes a noise of disbelief. "Yeah, Munroe, you're totally fine. C'mon, look at me." He grabs my hands and pulls them away from my face, looking at me with an expression part concern and part 'Why am I doing this?'

"What are you doing here, Chad?" I ask him shortly.

He shrugs. "Hanging with some friends. Thought I saw you walk into the train station. Followed you because it was a weird coincidence we were both here."

I just stare at him, and even though I've stopped crying, I can't help the tears that leak out of my eyes, I'm sure making the mascara and eyeliner run down my face zebra-style even more. "I'm fine, Chad," I say sharply, pinching my lips together and willing the tears to stop falling. "Go look at your own reflection."

He smirks and stands, pulling me with him. "Come on, Sonny, Chad Dylan Cooper doesn't do compassion. This is rare form. I'd take advantage of it if I were you."

I can't help but smile a little. So when he wraps his arms around me protectively, I let him.

Chad picks up my train ticket from the bench where I'd been sitting. "Train leaves in fifteen," he notes, looking at his watch. "We have to hurry." He picks up my little weekend bag and slings it over his shoulder. Taking me by the hand, he drags me to the ticket place and buys himself a ticket for the six-fifteen train to Hollywood.

We run to make it, and even though we shouldn't have been, the conductor lets us on because Chad is, after all, Chad Dylan Cooper.

We flop into a pair of seats, panting, and, the time drama over, Chad looks at me with that weird look again. "So, you wanna, uh…talk about it?"

That's when the stupid tears start flowing again, but I wipe my face with my sleeves and look him in the eyes. "I didn't get the part."

His brow furrows. "You what?"

I sigh. "I came all the way out here to audition for a movie. And I didn't get it."

He opens his mouth, but I stop him. "Look, I know you're _Chad Dylan Cooper_ and you've never faced rejection and doubted yourself, so you can't understand. But the director told me I was trying too hard to be funny, and I didn't have 'the look' they were looking for anyway." I took a deep breath. "And it hurt. A lot." My voice breaks, and the tears are rolling down my cheeks again.

For once in his life Chad doesn't have something egotistical to say. He just wraps his arms around me, and I bury my face in his chest.

We stay like that for a while as the train rolls along.

"Well," Chad says finally. I look up and he's staring at the window. "Whatever movie it was, that director's not worth the jokes on _So Random_."

I can't tell if he's trying to be nice or what, with a crack like that. "Why?"

He turns his head so fast to look at me I'd swear he got whiplash. "'Why?'" he asks me incredulously. "Sonny, if they think you're trying too hard to be funny, they don't know what humor _is_ and it's clear they're bitter about their own shortcomings. And if they say you don't have 'the look,' then they're a blind freaking _moron_. And bitter."

I sit up and stare at him. He takes my face in his hands and adds, "And they do _not _deserve you."

He kisses me, and suddenly, I couldn't care less about that stupid movie anyway.


	7. Not in the Rain

_Not in the rain._

**A/N: Warning, this turns borderline melodramatic. Maybe it's over the borderline. I dunno. Let me know.  
Disclaimer: I don't own Sonny with a Chance. Neither do I own the weather.**

Unbelievable. I had forgotten an umbrella. Chad Dylan Cooper is _never _unprepared like this. Of course, the weather was never mean to Chad Dylan Cooper, either. Stupid weather.

So when I, completely oblivious, left the restaurant after lunch, I got immediately soaked.

Man, the shoes were Italian, too. Not that they were worth a whit in comparison to the CDC hair. Which was also ruined.

I ducked back under the awning and fixed my hair. It was wet, but, well. I am Chad Dylan Cooper. So it looked awesome anyway.

Okay, I was only out in the pouring rain for a moment, so maybe I wasn't _completely _soaked. But c'mon! Chad Dylan Cooper does _not _do rain.

Well, I stuck my hands in my pocket and looked around, wondering what next. I'd taken a taxi to lunch, so my car wasn't an option. And there was no taxi in sight, so I couldn't hail one. And I certainly wasn't going to go _look _for one.

Guess I was gonna have to call someone, ew. I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my contacts. Hmm.

Portlyn? Ahahahahahahaha no.

That went for the rest of the Mack Falls cast, except for the hysterical laughter. I mean, you couldn't pay me enough to beg _Portlyn _for a ride home. She's hot, but a wackjob backstabbing witch and, besides, a dangerous driver. Oh, she was also always trying to get me to go out with her. Portlyn. We date sometimes on the _show_. Not in real life. Ever. Ever ever.

As for the rest of them, well. I don't really like them. I deal with them.

I kept scrolling (seriously, how did I have so many contacts? I don't even _know _seven hundred people).

Sonny Munroe.

Hmm…

No.

I kept going.

"Chad!"

What? I said _no _to the idea of asking Sonny Munroe.

"Chad!"

I looked up and there was Sonny, across the street, holding an umbrella over her head.

Of course _she _was prepared. And cute. Stupid cute.

"D'you need some umbrella?" she called again, wearing a little smirk. "C'mon over, I'll give you a lift!"

Okay. Option One, I ignore her. My pride is saved, but I still don't have a way home (at least until it stopped raining, and it sure didn't look like that was going to happen any time soon). And Sonny would probably be crushed. And Chad Dylan Cooper is aloof, but he is not mean. Necessarily.

Option Two, I accept her invitation. I have a way home and I don't get any more wet, but the pride is down the drain.

Decisions, decisions.

But in the end, the hair comes before the pride.

"You come over _here _and I'll take you up on that offer!" I called. "The CDC hair doesn't need to get any wetter."

She shot me a look. "Really, Chad? Really? You're the one that needs _my _help."

I crossed my arms. "I don't _need _anyone's help. But you're offering, and I'm accepting. Because that's just the kind of guy I am."

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, but you have to carry the umbrella. Over both of us."

I shrugged. "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

She made a face at me, then started across the street.

She didn't see the car coming full speed. It was going too fast, and it was headed toward Sonny, and she was completely oblivious.

Oh my God, she was going to be hit by a car.

She was in the middle of the road when she saw it. The stupid effin' driver wasn't even looking; probably on his cell phone or iPod.

Sonny froze. She had that deer-in-the-headlights thing going on.

Oh my God, she was going to be hit by a car and she couldn't even move.

Forgetting about myself for once, my hair, my shoes—heck, my own safety—I ran out into the street and threw myself into Sonny, shoving her backwards. She toppled backwards and I went with her, falling onto the sidewalk as the car zoomed by. He never even saw us.

Jerk.

I looked down into Sonny's face; she was breathing heavily and her eyes were squeezed shut, tears running down her face. At least I thought so. It was raining pretty hard.

I was pretty much lying on top of her, so I rolled off and lay on the sidewalk beside her, not even caring we were on our backs on the sidewalk in the middle of the city in the pouring rain. She was alive and safe, and that's all that mattered.

Her hand reached out and grabbed mine, squeezing it tightly. I sat up and pulled her into my arms, where she collapsed against my chest. She was in tears, and I hated that. She was sunny Sonny and I was not a fan of this. So I just held her, sitting on the sidewalk in the middle of the city in the pouring rain.

After a few minutes she pulled herself together and wriggled out of my arms, standing and brushing herself off. She shot me a weak smile and extended her hand to me. I took it and she pulled me to my feet and then threw her arms around me again.

I embraced her back, and that's when I saw it: her umbrella was still in the middle of the street, irrevocably crushed by that jerkbucket car that had nearly taken her life.

Even though what had just happened was not in the least bit funny, I couldn't help but laugh.

Sonny pulled away and looked up at me. "What?"

I pointed at the ruined umbrella. "So much for staying dry."

She giggled, then frowned again. "Chad, I—I almost _died _just now. You saved my life."

I couldn't help it. I popped my collar. "Well, I am pretty good, aren't I?"

She glared at me. "Usually I'd disagree, but, well…for _this_, I'll let it go." She reached up and tousled my hair, which was plastered to my head with rain. "After all, you put me in front of your hair."

That's when I kissed her, standing on the sidewalk in the middle of the city in the pouring rain.

The Italian shoes could deal.


	8. Not with a Fox

_Not with a fox._

**Disclaimer: Yeah…I still own nothing.**

"Cooper, what is wrong with you?" Sonny stormed into Chad's dressing room.

Chad languidly turned to face her. "Pardon?"

Sonny glared at him. "Really, Chad? Really?"

He looked at her with just a hint of confusion, raising one perfectly manicured blonde eyebrow. "Sonny, as incredibly talented as I may be in all other categories of life, I still haven't perfected the art of mind-reading."

Sonny narrowed her eyes. "A package showed up at _So Random! _this morning and it says it's from _you_."

Chad buffed his nails on the lapel of his blazer. "Look, Sonny, I still don't know what you're talking about."

Sonny marched over and grabbed him by the arm, yanking him out of his chair. "All right, funny boy, c'mon."

Chad pulled his arm out of her grasp and straightened himself, but he followed her back to _So Random! _nonetheless. "I really prefer 'King of Drama,' you know," he remarked, sticking his hands in his pockets. "The Chad doesn't do _funny_."

Sonny shot him a look over her shoulder.

When she finally stopped dragging him around they were in front of Sonny's dressing room. She opened the door, and then pushed Chad inside. She shut the door behind them.

Tawni was looking in the mirror and brushing her hair, to nobody's surprise. When Chad and Sonny came in, she leaped up. "Chad, as, um…nice…as your gift to Sonny was, I really don't want it in my dressing room, kay?" She patted Chad on the head. "It's ugly, which doesn't go with my pretty. You kids have fun now!" She skipped out of the room.

Chad stared after her. "Okay, seriously, what's the deal here?" he asked, looking at Sonny out of the corner of his eye.

Sonny stalked over to the large oblong sheet-covered thing next to her dressing room chair. "I'm talking about _this_." She pulled off the sheet, and a taxidermied fox was suddenly snarling at Chad.

He jumped back in surprise. "What the heck is _that_?" he asked in disgust.

"It came with this note, too." Sonny pulled a little ivory card off her vanity and read it aloud. "_Sonny. A fox for my foxy lady. TV's Chad Dillon Cooper._"

Chad made a face not unlike the Billy Idol sneer. "Aw, c'mon, Sonny, it was a prank. You know my pickup lines are way smoother than _that_. Give me that."

Sonny handed him the card and he read it over. "Okay, seriously? Did you really think this was from me? Do you really think I can't spell my own middle name?"

Sonny grabbed the card back, and he was right. The sender had spelled "Dylan" wrong. How had she not noticed that?

Chad was examining the fox from all sides. At a two foot distance, of course. The thing was gross. "It's actually kind of clever, you know."

Sonny raised her eyebrows at him, crossing her arms.

He shrugged. "Fox, foxy. Puns. Not that I'd call you 'foxy.'" He shuddered at the idea of the word.

Chad stood on one side of the fox, and Sonny on the other. Sonny fake-pouted. "You don't think I'm 'foxy'?" She air-quoted the word, taking a step towards him.

Chad snorted. "No. 'Foxy' is such a creeper word. I'd call you pretty, or cute."

"Ha!" Sonny barked, pointing at him. "You just called me pretty. Or cute."

Chad shrugged, taking a step forward. "So? I know you think _I'm _pretty cute."

Sonny snorted. "Yeah right." He caught her eyes in his, and suddenly she couldn't turn away. _Wow_, his eyes were an unbelievable crystal blue.

Chad knew he'd gotten her with the eyes, but he didn't try to break the contact. "C'mon, Sonny, you know I give better gifts than stuffed dead foxes."

"Yeah?" Sonny whispered. "Like what?" The fox was the only thing that separated them now.

Chad grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him, over the fox. "Like this."

He kissed her, and she smiled into his kiss.

Sonny couldn't help admitting that this was a rather 'foxy' gift.

**A/N: Aw, gross. Taxidermy.**


	9. Not in a Box

_Not in a box._

**A/N: Everyone's who's commented and favorited and story-alerted, thank you so much! Seriously, I can't tell you how much it means to me that you take the time to do that (:  
Disclaimer: Hey, I own Sonny with a Chance now!! Not. Oh, I don't own Legos either.**

I flopped onto the Prop House couch, pencil and notepad in hand. Sketchstorming time. Just me, by myself, alone in the Prop House, for the sole purpose of thinking up new sketches.

"So, Sonny."

Aw, man, really? I turned my head towards the door, and there was Chad, striding in like he owned the place.

"What do you want, Chad?" I asked scathingly. "I'm kind of working here. And you shouldn't be here."

He shrugged, dropping down next to me. "Which is exactly why I have to be here."

I rolled my eyes. He was unbelievable. In the bad way. Never mind that he had amazing hair, and sparkly blue eyes, and an adorable smile, and was so suave and charming, and—

Oh boy. Sonny, get a grip. "Okay, fine. You wanna be here? You think up a sketch." I held out my pencil and notepad towards him.

He laughed derisively and stood up, walking around behind the couch. "Yeah right. Not even CDC can make your show work." He leaned over me. "And that's saying something. No, I think I'll look around this, ah…_prop house _of yours."

I made a face at him, but let it go. At least if he was going to explore the place, he wouldn't be actively bothering me. So I went to work. Hmm, maybe a sketch about a guy who—

CRASH!

I whipped around. "Chad, what did you do?"

He peeked his head around the corner behind the slide. "Nothin'."

"Don't break anything," I warned him, then went back to work.

"Whoa!" Thump.

I stood up and walked over behind the slide. "Chad, I swear, if you—" I stopped. Where'd he go? "Uh—Chad?"

His voice was muffled. "Um. In here." It was coming from the huge oversized refrigerator box leaning against the wall. It was one of Zora's forts or something. At least, I figured it was for a massive refrigerator. With Zora, there was no knowing. It was walled in with big Legos she'd glued together and there were makeshift steps made out of the Legos leading up to the open top.

I climbed the aforementioned stairs and looked into the box and, sure enough, Chad sat at the bottom, looking a bit mussed. I covered a giggle with my hand. "Chad, what on earth are you doing?" I climbed the last few Lego steps to see better.

Chad's eyes widened. "Sonny, don't—"

Too late. The top Lego wasn't latched tightly enough to the one below it, and it gave way beneath me, and I lost my balance and toppled into the refrigerator box with Chad.

Ow.

Fabulous. The box was significantly taller than we were, but only just wide enough for us both to sit without our knees touching. And we couldn't knock the thing over, because it was surrounded by Legos. So basically, we were stuck.

Chad looked at me. "Good one."

I glared at him. "Really, Chad? Really?"

He shrugged, leaning back against the wall. "Well, if you hadn't fallen into this black hole, you might have helped me out."

I swear, it never ends with him. "Chad, you are unbelievable."

He flashed his signature grin and popped his collar. "I know."

I rolled my eyes. "In the bad way."

He chuckled. "When it comes to Chad Dylan Cooper, there's no such _thing _as 'the bad way.'"

I groaned. Of all people to be stuck in a box with, it had to be him. "Just call somebody to help us out, okay?"

Chad snorted. "With what? Morse code? Bird calls?"

I stared at him. "You don't have your phone on you?"

He shook his head at me like I was three. "No, or else I already would have called somebody. I dropped it when the suit of armor fell over."

So _that _was the crash.

"Well, genius, why don't _you _call one of your Chuckle City friends?"

"Yeah, well, I would, except I left my phone in my dressing room." I mentally smacked myself. Stupid.

"Oh, well, that's just great," Chad said sarcastically. "So we're stuck here until somebody comes in."

Oh my God. We were stuck here until somebody came in.

Awesome. I leaned back against the wall and looked up. If we just _used teamwork_… (oh, vomit.) "Why don't you just give me a boost up to the top so I can get out? And then pull you out?"

He snorted. "Yeah right, Munroe. Like I can really trust you to help me out after you're freed."

I frowned. "C'mon, Chad, I'd help you if you helped me. Quid pro quo and back-scratching or whatever."

"Well, I _could _use a backscratch," Chad mused. "Tell you what, Sonny. You give _me _a boost, and we'll go from there."

I shot him a look. "Okay, really, Chad? If you aren't going to trust _me_, why would I trust _you_?"

He looked at me like I was a moron. "Because I'm Chad Dylan Cooper."

When I continued to glare at him, he rolled his eyes. "Come on, Sonny, I won't abandon you in little Zora Legoville. Rico and Gravy or whatever, maybe. Tawni, most definitely. Zora…well, I wouldn't go near her in the first place."

I raised my eyebrows and he rolled his eyes at me again. "Sonny, out of all the 'actors'—" (he air-quoted) "—here at _So Random!_, you are the only one who who will make me a sammich and boost me out of a box when I need it. Since I like to take advantage of that I have to keep you safe and out of Demented Legoville."

I cocked my head. "I think that's CDC code for 'Sonny, I care about you.'"

I swear Chad blushed. "No," he said quickly (_tooooo_ quickly). "No, I just like that you make me sammiches."

"Huh-uh," I countered childishly. Singsongy, I added, "You liiiiike me, you liiiiiike me!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Good!"

"Good!"

And instead of adding a _so we're good?_, Chad grabbed me and kissed me.

When we pulled apart I grinned. "You liiiiike me, you liiiiike me!"

He smiled. "You talk way too much."

"Yeah?" I said. "I can keep going, unless you wanna distract me again."

"That a challenge?"

"Maybe."

He kissed me again, and I stopped caring we were trapped in a box. We could work it out later.

**A/N #2: Okay. I'm thinking the box thing is a little far-fetched. Meh. Whatever; I wanted them trapped in a box :D**


	10. Not in the News

_Not on the news._

**Disclaimer: Hey, high five for owning nothing!**

"In entertainment, a modern-day _Romeo and Juliet_," Sonny and Chad watch the chipper newscaster on Chad's iPhone in disgust. They stand by their cars in the parking lot of Condor Studios, their faces marked in identical grimaces. "Sonny Munroe, of comedy show _So Random!_, and teen heartthrob Chad Dylan Cooper of the comedy show's rival, number one tween drama _Mackenzie Falls,_ were last seen sharing a romantic moment in the quaint park on the corner of—"

Sonny grabs Chad's phone and switches off the television app. "Where do they even get those pictures?" she asks, throwing her hands in the air. "That last one wasn't even us."

Chad pockets his phone and shrugs. "C'mon, Sonny, you're linked with _me_. Thousands of girls would kill to be in your shoes. And they _could_ have put you with one of your co-stars."

Sonny rolls her eyes. "Oh, yes, good point," she says sarcastically. "You know I hate being in the tabloids."

He flashes her a grin. "You know how much the camera loves the Chadster. And you know how much people love those forbidden romances."

She raises her eyebrows at him. "Forbidden romances? What are you, Fabio?"

Chad chuckles once. "No. My hair is _way_ better."

Sonny rolls her eyes again, and they start to make their way towards the Studios for work that morning.

When they get to the back doors they dawdle a bit before going in. Chad shoots a furtive look around the parking lot, devoid of people and full of empty cars, before pulling Sonny close and giving her a kiss.

Unknown to either of them, a camera clicks.

They walk in together, and then go their separate ways. "Later."

That night, Sonny watches the entertainment news and there, for millions of people to see, is a very clear picture of Chad and Sonny making out outside Condor Studios.

Her mouth drops open. How did they get that shot?

Her phone starts ringing off the hook. It's Lucy, then Tawni, then Nico, Grady, Portlyn (_how did she get my number?_ Sonny wonders), Marshall, and about eight thousand reporters start calling her home phone.

H'o boy.

She's so mad, not at herself and not at Chad, but at whomever that photographer was. Her private life is out in the open, and now they have _proof _she and Chad are seeing each other, instead of stupid speculations.

But…

Somebody knocked on her door, and when she opens it Chad is there. He gives her an apologetic look and she shrugs, letting him in.

"Seriously, Sonny, I didn't see anybody."

She shakes her head. "It's not your fault. I didn't see anybody either." But then she squares her shoulders and looks him in the eye. "But I don't care anymore. So they got a picture of us kissing. It was a total violation of privacy, but it's out there now and that's that."

Chad shrugs. "Yeah, I know, but you care so much about staying out of the tabloid eye."

She shoots him a wicked grin. "True."

Chad makes a face. "What's with the evil smile?"

Sonny just laughs. "You'll see."

The next day, reporters hound Condor Studios as Chad and Sonny try to make their way to the entrance. They elbow their way through the paparazzi and when they reach the top of the stairs, Sonny grabs Chad by the shoulders and pulls him into a serious kiss.

The reporters and photographers catcall and snap photos and start screaming questions, but when Sonny breaks the kiss (and Chad just stands there, sort of stunned) she flips her hair out of her face, gives the reporters a big smile, and yells, "Go for it!"

Chad looks at her in disbelief, and she shrugs. "I don't care who sees," she grins.

Chad laughs, then pulls her into another kiss, for the world to see.


	11. Not Over Shoes

_Not over shoes._

**Disclaimer: If I owned Sonny with a Chance, believe me, the show would be **_**way **_**more focused on the dynamic between our favorite frenemies.**

"Chaaaaad?"

"Sonny, can't we just walk down the street without running into every single store?"

"Aw, c'mon, Chad, this is the first one in three blocks."

"Ha, more like one."

"Okay, two."

"One."

"One and a half?"

"Sure, one and a half. Whatever. I'm just saying, Sonny, when you shop, you shop like it's the end of the world."

"Well, I don't shop all that often…and besides, those shoes are _so _cute."

"Oh, fine…but this is the last shoe stop, okay?"

"Sure, last shoe stop. Whatever."

"Sonny, I'm following you. You don't have to yank me."

"Stop giggling at me, Chad. I'm excited about these shoes. Look at the buckles!"

"You do realize I can see them from two feet away just as well as four inches from my face."

"Sorry. Chad, I need these shoes."

"Sonny, I need _you._"

"…What?"

" I need you…to stop going on about the shoes and buy them already."

"Chad!"

"Ow!"

"Ha!"

"Sonny, just buy the shoes."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Good."

"Good."

"So we're good?"

"Almost."

…

"Chad, what was that for?"

"Haha, you're blushing!"

"You just kissed me in a _shoe store_, you goof!"

"You're still blushing!"

"I just…I just…love shoes."

"I think what you love is the CDC charm. Don't stick your tongue out at me!"

"Whatcha gonna do about it?"

"Really, Sonny? Really?"

…

"I should buy shoes more often."


	12. Not Here

_Not here._

**A/N: Geez, I had some serious writer's block going on here for a couple days. It's still there, but at least I was able to finish this shot. Chad gets kinda (understatement) OOC here…but I'm still amused by it. Hope you are too :)  
Disclaimer: Why, indeed, I **_**am **_**the proud owner of Sonny with a Chance. I also invented electricity.**

"Sonny, what are you doing?" I was walking down the hallway by the Randoms' dressing rooms, and Sonny's door was open. I peeked in and she was sitting at her vanity, carefully applying different colors of eyeliner in lines and dots all over her face.

Sonny jumped at the sound of my voice and hopped up, turning red. "Nothing. Practicing for a skit."

I raised my eyebrows. "And you wonder why _Mackenzie Falls _does better in the ratings."

She made a face at me. "What do you want, Chad?" She sneered my name.

I shrugged. "Just walking down the hallway and saw you doing…" I thought about it. "…Whatever it was that you were doing."

She rolled her eyes. I couldn't help but laugh at her; after all, she was trying to be annoyed at me, but she had black and green eyeliner striped along her cheeks, blue dots running down her nose, and brown dots running down one side of her hairline. "Oh, go back to the Falls."

Instead of answering her, I walked past her and picked up the eyeliner pencils. "What kind of skit are you doing with this, anyway? _Little Squaw Tries Makeup_?"

She grabbed the pencils from me and shoved them in the top drawer of her vanity. "See, skit titles like _that_ are why you aren't in comedy," she replied, dragging her sleeves across her face to get the makeup off. Although she really pretty much just smeared it.

"Right, because _Garry and Larry _is comedic _genius_," I shook my head. "You, uh, missed a spot," I added, hiding a smirk as I reached forward and wiped a smudge off her forehead.

She made a face at me, then turned back to the mirror and groaned at her reflection. "Ugh, this is not going to come off easily."

"No kidding," I laughed. "It's not magic marker." I looked at my thumb, which now had eyeliner smudge on it. "Again, this is why the Chad does _drama_."

Sonny looked at her makeup-covered hands, then at me, then back to her hands. Before I could ask what she was doing, she put her hands on either side of my face and smeared the makeup on her hands off onto my face. Pulling her hands away, she shot me a smirk. "And _this _is why 'the Chad' needs makeup!" she said with sarcastic perkiness.

I stared at myself in her mirror. Ugh, I looked …well, I looked like somebody smeared eyeliner on my cheeks. I glared at Sonny and reached past her to open the makeup drawer. I pulled out a bright red lipstick and uncapped it.

Sonny stared at my weapon warily. "You wouldn't."

I lurched forward and striped the thing across her forehead, leaving a bright red streak.

Her mouth dropped open. "Oh, it's _on_," she hissed, then grabbed a mascara thing and swiped the black wand thingy down my nose.

So yeah, that's when Sonny and I started chasing each other around her dressing room and had a makeup fight.

It ended with Sonny tackling me to the ground and signing her name on my forehead in pink lipstick. "Truce! Truce!" I yelled, Sonny sitting on my stomach, wielding the lipstick.

She didn't move. "First you have to admit that _So Random! _is the greatest show produced by Condor Studios."

I hesitated. Was a lie worth the trauma?

Then I remembered the CDC hair. My poor, innocent hair, tousled by the combat. "Okay, fine, _So Random! _is the greatest show produced by Condor Studios."

A little piece of my soul died just then.

Sonny grinned, satisfied, and stood up, reaching out a hand to help me to my feet.

I looked around. "Wow…" I muttered. "The room's a wreck."

Sonny's vanity chair was on its side, cushions were everywhere, and there were makeup instrument things strewn all over the place. She laughed sheepishly and shrugged, hands palm-up in the air. "When we fight, we fight hard?"

I laughed and grabbed the lipstick from her, tossing it back onto her vanity.

That's when we caught a glimpse of ourselves.

Wow, the room had _nothing _on us. Sonny's hair was tangled all over the place, and mine was all stuck up on one side, we had makeup stripes all over our faces and hands and some of our clothes. Sonny had blush dust in her hair, and I had mascara in mine.

We burst out laughing when we saw ourselves. "C'mon," I said, taking her by the elbow, "let's, uh, clean ourselves up."

We left the disaster of her dressing room and walked down the hallway to the bathroom, ready to hide our faces if anybody passed us.

Luckily, no one did. We both went into the handicapped bathroom and shared the sink, pushing up our sleeves and wiping at our faces with wet paper towels.

Sonny pulled her hair into a ponytail and flicked water at me. "Aw, give me a break!" I complained. "We had a truce."

She shrugged, so she wasn't paying attention when I scooped up a double handful of water and threw it at her.

She shrieked, and I laughed so hard I didn't see her doing the same thing to me until my face was suddenly soaked.

Sonny giggled, bent in half. I took my oppurtunity and soaked her head again.

So then we had a water fight, which finished when Sonny slipped on the wet floor and accidentally tripped me on the way down, taking me with her.

We sat on the floor of the bathroom and laughed until Sonny cried and I got the hiccups.

I stood up and pulled Sonny to her feet. She moved to start cleaning herself off again, but I didn't let go of her hand.

She looked at me. "What?"

I had this weird feeling in my stomah, so I just looked at her for a moment. "I feel like I wanna kiss you."

Sonny blushed pinker than the blush in her hair. "What?" she repeated. She gave herself an up and down, then me, and then the setting. She raised her eyebrows at me. "Here?"

I pulled her closer and pushed the loose, soaking strands of hair out of her makeup-striped face. "Yeah, here."

So I kissed her, disregarding the fact that we were in a mildly flooded bathroom, hair all over the place, and covered in stripes of eyeliner and mascara and lipstick.

'Cause to tell you the truth, she was beautiful even here.


	13. Not There

_Not there._

**A/N: Whew. Sorry about the delay, my friends. You know what it's like when you're on a roll and then you hit a little bump and then the ball falls into a ditch and you need a crowbar to launch it back onto the path but you can't for the life of you find the aforementioned crowbar? Yes. Anyhow, unnecessarily long analogies aside, thanks for your patience and let's hope the wait is worth it :D  
Disclaimer: Give me a break.**

"Um. Chad?" I ask, tapping him on the shoulder. I was passing the _Mackenzie Falls_ set when I saw Chad leaning barely an inch away from his vanity mirror, so of course I had to ask him about it. Which brings us back to the present.

He jumps in surprise and whirls around. "Whoa! Ah—Sonny!"

I shoot him a cheesy grin. "That's my name, don't wear it out!"

He rolls his eyes.

"So, uh, what exactly were you doing there?" I raise my eyebrows at him.

"Nothing," Chad answers without missing a beat, peering over his shoulder at himself. "Just contemplating my own perfection." He grins at himself cockily, but I swear something in those baby blue eyes is worried.

"Uh-huh," I nod slowly, not believing a word. Well, that is, I believe he's contemplating his own perfection, but I don't belive that he was doing 'nothing.' If that makes any sense at all.

"Sonny," he says abruptly, turning around to face me again. "Do I look—old?"

I almost laugh, but he looks so serious. Which actually makes it funnier and sadder at the same time. "What?"

He purses his lips and looks frustrated. "Never mind." He turns to go somewhere else, but I stop him.

"Chad, what do you mean, _old_?"

Sharply he shakes his head. "Forget it, forget it." But he touches the side of his eye, unconsciously I think, like he's feeling for crow's feet.

I grab his hands away from his face and hold them in front of me. "Oh my God, Chad, you look like the seventeen year old teenage boy you are." I eye him. "You can't possibly think you look _old_."

He shoots me his trademark smirk, but it looks faker than usual. "Okay."

I wonder who on earth told him he looked _old. _"Chad, c'mon. Who thinks you look old?"

He shrugs, pulling his hands away from mine, and widens his eyes like he's trying not to cry. Oh my God, there's a tear in his eye. "I'm a has-been, apparently."

"Who told you that?"

He shakes his head. "Doesn't matter."

I grab him by the shoulders and look him right in the eyes. "Chad. You are Chad Dylan Cooper, the most eligible teen bachelor in the country, star of the number one tween drama. You've had girls drooling over you practically since you've _been _a teenager. You're featured in every hot teen magazine there is. Posters of you are the top sold posters of any teenage male star. You're the cockiest and the best-looking guy I know, and even if you are unbelievably conceited, you're a good actor and _Mackenzie Falls _will not be the end of your career. Okay?"

He stares at me the whole time I'm pep-talking him, blinking the tears out of his eyes and willing his lips not to tremble. Oh God, there is no way this kid is going to cry on me. I can't believe this situation; it's way too unreal. There's no way the infamous CDC is breaking down on account of one person (whether it's a castmate or the evil Sharona) calling him a has-been. He's the most self-confident, self-absorbed person I know, and one of the best –looking (shut up).

I finish my speech (which was a good one, too) and I just look at him, begging him with my eyes to understand. He stares back, and after a moment he takes a deep, shuddery breath, pulls away from me, and bursts into laughter.

Wait. _What_?

He's laughing so hard tears are running down his face. His arms are crossed, clutching his stomach, doubling over. His breath is coming in wheezing gasps and his face is turning red.

Um, so, I pretty much just stare at him, completely bewildered about what's going on.

This goes on for five or ten minutes, and we must have looked really strange to passersby: Chad Dylan Cooper, laughing so hard he looks like he's having some kind of an attack, and Sonny Munroe staring at him blankly.

After pretty much an eternity, Chad pauses laughing long enough to gulp in a few breaths. "Got—you—so—bad—" he chokes out, trying to right himself by putting his hand on my shoulder.

I yank my shoulder away from him and he nearly falls over. "Chad, I swear by every single product in your hair, if you don't tell me what the heck is going on—"

Still laughing, Chad waves at me to hush, and he takes a huge breath and manages to calm down. He stands straight, clears his throat, and says, "I got you _so _bad." His voice breaks on 'bad,' but at the slightly murderous look on my face he swallows his giggle. "Munroe, you were so _sold _that I thought I was an old has-been." He chuckles derisively, shaking his head. "Chad Dylan Cooper will _never _be a has-been, Sonny. But, man, one non-confident word from me and you go off on how fantastic I am." He grinned widely. "I knew you liked me."

I'm _furious_. The jerk tricked me! "Chad," I whisper through my teeth in my deadliest tone, "I am going to _get _you."

He smirks. "Right here? Right now? On my turf? In front of witnesses?"

Hmm. He's got a point. That's when I get an idea. "No," I say softly, ducking my head and looking up at him through my eyelashes. I point out the _Mackenzie Falls_ door. "Out there."

His smirk drops and his eyebrows crinkle as he cocks his head at me. "Wait, what?"

I shoot him a tiny smile as I grab his hand and drag him into the hallway. We walk down the hall until I find what I'm looking for: a closet. Fortunately, it's unlocked, and push Chad in and I follow him, pulling the door shut behind us.

It's completely dark, but I can just imagine the look on his face. "Um, Sonny…?" he asks.

I take his hands and place them on my waist, and I scoot closer to him, putting my hands on his shoulders. "Well, it's just that you're right, Chad," I whisper, standing as close to him as I can without osmosis-ing into him. "You got me."

He clears his throat. "Well sure, but…"

I shrug and run a hand through his hair. "Well, now, here we are, and now you've _really _got me."

I rest my hand on the side of his face and I can feel the heat mark his blush. "Wow, Sonny…" he trails off for the third time.

"C'mon," I whisper, standing on my toes and brushing my lips against his ear. "You heard me admit I think you're good-looking and a good actor. Just kiss me."

I feel a smirk wrinkle his cheek. "Well, if you insist," he mutters, leaning down to me. "I always did like you, Funny Sonny."

He takes my face in his hands and I grasp the doorknob behind my back, twisting it silently. I wait until his lips have barely touched mine—okay, I wait a few seconds (shut _up_)—before I yank open the door and back out, slamming the door in his puckered-lips face.

I catch a glimpse of half-second Chad shock before the door slams and I lock it, giggling to myself.

"Sonny!" he yells, slamming his fists against the door.

I lean back against the door and cross my arms. "Got—you—so—bad—" I choke in an impression of him from just a few minutes before.

"Sonny!" he yells again, sounding a tiny bit desperate.

"Have fun in there!" I giggle, and walk away, brushing off my hands.

Teach him to trick Sonny Munroe.

**A/N Numbah 2: Okay, holy stretch on the "there" thing, right? But it was the crowbar I needed (see unnecessarily long analogy in A/N #1). Hope you enjoyed it!**


	14. Not Anywhere

_Not anywhere._

**A/N: And so it comes to an end (she sighed dramatically). Wow, I had a **_**blast **_**writing this. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have! Thank you so much for reading!  
Disclaimer: Once upon a time, even after fourteen chapters, I still own not even a whit of Sonny with a Chance. **

Sonny was cleaning up her side of the dressing room when somebody knocked on the door. "Come in!" she called over her shoulder, shoving a couple eyeliner pencils into the top drawer of her vanity. She eyed a mushed stick of bright pink lipstick, and in the reflection of the mirror saw Chad leaning against the door, hands in his pockets, the epitome of _cool_.

Slowly she turned around, rolling her eyes. "What do you want, Chad?"

He shrugged, straightening his blazer with a tug at his lapels. "To make your wildest dreams come true."

Sonny cocked an eyebrow up to her hairline. "Wow, you're finally going to disappear?"

He chuckled patronizingly, shaking his head. "Oh, Sonny. You try so hard to avoid my irresistible charm."

Sonny shot him a sneer not unlike Billy Idol. "Is that what they're calling it these days?"

Chad crossed the room in three languid steps and sprawled on the couch. "Come on, Munroe, I know you want me. Let's just admit it, and then we can move on."

Sonny crossed her arms and glared down at him. "Not on your egomaniacal life."

Chad wiggled his fingers at her. "Oooh, feisty," he mocked.

She threw the mushed pink lipstick at him, but he ducked and it flew over his head. "Let's go, Munroe," he continued as if nothing had happened. "It's seven o'clock on a Friday night and you're still here. Obviously you don't have any plans, so let the Chad take you out and show you a good time."

Sonny raised her eyebrow again. "'Show me a good time'?" she repeated, air-quoting. "Really, Chad? Really?"

Chad laughed. "Dirty mind, Munroe. I meant dinner."

Sonny flushed. "Shut up, Cooper, that's not what I was thinking."

He grinned widely. "Sure."

She blushed redder. "I'm serious."

He shrugged and stood. "Okay."

"Okay."

"So let's go."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Good!"

"Good!"

"So we're good?"

"Oh, we're _so_ good."

Somehow Sonny found herself nose-to-nose with a certain jerkthrob. Scooting backwards, she cleared her throat and tried to remember what she had just agreed to.

Chad was looking smug again. _Oh no_, Sonny thought. She had agreed to go on a date with him. _Shoot._

"All right, Munroe," Chad said, turning on the smile of suave copyrighted CDC charm. "I knew you couldn't resist me. Now come on." He held out his hand expectantly.

Sonny held up her index finger. "One condition." If she had to go out with him (and she did _not _want to, thank you very much), she was at least going to get something out of it (And _no_, she was not thinking about _that_).

Chad crossed his arms. "You don't conditionalize the Chad, Sonny."

Sonny shrugged and turned away to go back to straightening up. "Sounds like somebody's _chicken_," she sing-songed.

"Whoa, wait," Chad said quickly. "Chad Dylan Cooper is talented and gorgeous and has great hair, but he is _never _a chicken." He paused. "Except for Halloween when I was four." He furrowed his brow. "No, never mind. That was a duck costume. Yeah, no, Chad is never a chicken."

Sonny snorted. "Then accept my condition."

Chad rolled his eyes at Sonny's back. "What's your condition?"

Sonny grinned and slowly turned back around. "I get to pick where we go."

Chad's eyebrows practically disappeared into his hairline. "No way. I don't trust your taste."

Sonny shrugged nonchalantly. "Sounds like somebody's…chicken."

Chad glared at her. "No."

Sonny curled her hands into her armpits. "Bawk…bawk…bawk…" she taunted him.

"Stop that."

"Bawk bawk ba-gawk!"

"Stop it!"

"Bawk bawk bawk—"

"Okay!" Chad finally yelled, losing his cool for a moment. "We'll go where you want to! Just _stop _that!"

Immediately, Sonny stopped and grinned widely. "Go find yourself a plaid shirt and a pair of jeans."

Chad shot her a look of pure confusion. "I'm sorry, _what_?"

Sonny just blinked at him. "You heard me."

"I don't wear plaid."

"Bawk—"

"Okay!" Chad gave up in exasperation. He pulled his iPhone out of his pocket and checked the time. 7:30. "Be ready at eight."

Sonny smiled. "See you then!" She pushed him out the door and Chad stood there for a moment, blinking, wondering why on earth he had to wear _plaid_.

At eight o'clock sharp, Sonny heard Chad's knuckles rap the door of her dressing room. "Come in!"

Sighing, Chad walked in and crossed his arms. Sonny had to smother a giggle. She'd never seen the ever-cool Chad Dylan Cooper in a red plaid flannel shirt before, and she rather enjoyed it. He looked _almost_ homespun.

Chad gave the sigh of one long-suffering. "Happy?"

She let the giggle slide out. "Oh yes."

He eyed her denim mini, boots, and blue plaid shirt. "Where are we going?" he asked wearily. "And why plaid?"

Sonny grinned hugely. "We're going square dancing!"

Chad laughed. She had to be kidding. "I'm sorry, what?"

Sonny linked her arm in his. "You heard me. Square dancing."

Chad shook his head with a half smile. "Hah, no, see, Chad doesn't _square dance_."

Sonny ignored him and pulled him out the door with her. "C'mon, cowboy."

So that's how Chad ended up wearing plaid, driving until they found what Chad was pretty certain was the only square dancing joint in the entire state of California.

That's also how Chad ended up swinging a laughing Sonny around a dance floor to the music of fiddle and washboard along with dozens of other couples, all of whom, darn tootin' spry though they were, were at _least _a hundred and twenty years old.

And finally, that's how Chad let himself get caught up in the dancing and just had _fun _instead of worrying about his image. He and Sonny whirled around for the next three hours, and he actually forgot about being Chad Dylan Cooper, and was just…Chad. And for the time being, at least, he was okay with that.

Finally, the hall closed for the night and Sonny and Chad sat on the front porch, laughing and catching their breath. "See," Sonny said, pushing Chad lightly, "you had fun, you know it."

Chad rolled his eyes. "Define 'fun.'"

Sonny laughed. "Aw, c'mon. I know the sight of a CDC having a good time when I see it." She poked him. "Admit it, cowboy."

Chad let himself grin. "Fine, but if you tell anybody the Chadster square danced, I'll deny it till the day I die."

They both laughed. "Sonny Munroe knows how to show you a good time," Sonny said triumphantly. Chad quirked an eyebrow and she blushed again. "That's not what I meant."

Chad shrugged. "All right, Munroe, you win this time." He paused. "On one condition."

Sonny eyed him, a smirk playing at her lips. "What's that?"

Chad stood and held out his hands. Sonny grabbed them, and he pulled her to her feet. "We go out again, and_ I_ get to choose where we go."

Sonny laughed. "Got something in mind, cowboy?"

He put his hands in his pocket and trotted off towards the car. "I know _exactly _where we're gonna go."

She laughed and ran with him. "Where?"

Chad stopped in his tracks and spun Sonny in a circle. He pulled her into him, graceful as a dance. Dipping her dangerously low, he kissed her as she giggled, blushing.

He grinned. "Anywhere."


	15. I'm Rhyming, Aren't I?

_I'm rhyming, aren't I?_

**A/N: All right, all right. I had to throw this in there. Sigh. I just don't know when to quit, do I? Oh well. Let's consider this an epilogue.  
Disclaimer: Do I own Sonny with a Chance? Nope. Not in that scene, not in a dream, not in a car, not near, not far… **

Sonny was furious at stupid Selena Gomez. Selena "Relationship Wizard" Gomez. Selena "Reading Between the Lines When There's Nothing to Read There" Gomez. Selena "I Like to Meddle in Other People's Business Even Though There's Nothing at All Worth Meddling in Because Nothing's Going on Between Sonny and Chad" Gomez.

"I can't believe you kissed Chad!" she hissed in angry disbelief, marching over to Selena, who was sitting in a makeup chair. "Where in the script does it say that 'Sonny kisses Chad'?"

Selena was getting frustrated at how unbelievably blind this girl was to her own emotions. She looked at Sonny through the reflection in the mirror. "It's not in the script. I told you. I want to play your character honestly." She spun the chair to face Sonny.

Sonny laughed disdainfully. "Okay, and you honestly think that I would kiss him."

Selena laughed in an imitation of Sonny. "Yes, I do."

Sonny's mocking smile faded, upset at how unbelievably _annoying_ Selena was being. "Uh, well, I would never kiss him."

Selena stood, crossing her arms. "In that scene."

"No!" Sonny yelled in frustration. "Not anywhere! Not in that scene, not in a dream, not in a car, not near, not far, not on a train, not in the rain, not with a fox, not in a box, not in the news, not over shoes, not here, not there, not anywhere." She stopped to think about what she'd been saying. "I'm rhyming, aren't I? See…I do that…when I don't want to kiss somebody."

In irritation, Selena huffed, threw up her hands, and stalked away.

Sonny watched her walk away, and then smiled when she felt a certain someone's hands on her waist. "Really, Sonny? Really?" Chad asked, smirking at her.

Sonny turned to face him and started playing with the lapels of his blazer. "Well…" she amended secretively, putting on a Thinking Face.

She pulled Chad into a kiss.

"…Maybe not."


End file.
